Lenten Series: God's shield and defense

 

Greetings! Hello weekend! I'm back to work now, morning shift! ugh! Yes I hate it sometimes but thinking about finishing early is the best reason I love early shifts.

We have this special colleague, special in a way that everyone hates her. I will not mention her name but she's working in the kitchen most of the time doing breakfast and dinners. Some say she's grumpy most of the time. I mean yes, she doesn't smile more often but she's kind. I remember I gave her a little token last Christmas day and a hand cream when she went home last month to Bulgaria, she gave me a hand cream as well and I loved it becuase it's made from Bulgarian rose. I also found out that she had divorce a few years ago but she only had one son and I already met him. He was lovely and I can see that he loves his mum so much. She also finished her degree in Business? Not really sure what is it. But she did complete her while working on the same hotel we are working now. I was extremely proud of her because she told me she had no time to finish her course when she was younger and now is the perfect time for her to finish it since her son is already old enough to sustain himself and it's the best time to look for herself and accomplish things she did not do when she was raising her child alone. She is genuinely hardworking I can say. Very independent and persevere. She cleans the kitchen every breakfast, she took her time to clean it until 2pm the latest I can remember. God! She is a hard worker! I can’t complain. You wouldn’t just see her smile more often. She easily panic during busy breakfast and tends to very grumpy and almost breaks plates which you don’t differ from being busy, proactive or just angry. She has moods but she is definitely not complaisant. There were times I hate working early shifts because she’s doing breakfast shifts all the time. And I always ask God to give me a lot. Tons of patience. Because you wouldn’t just know if she likes me, she got irritated. She needs help or just want to be alone. Really? I really don’t know what she likes. Or maybe all of us were youngsters and she can’t complain? I really don’t know. On April 9th, we’re going to have a team meeting, maybe that time we can all raise all our opinions, questions and complaints. Just to make everything direct and end all the whos and whats. And that’s right. We need to have a unified agreement in all the standards and procedures. Because if anyone decides to do it her/his way, we may not all agree. Overall, I love her. She’s just a little too difficult to understand sometimes. She has moods and her gestures are not appropriate. I mean she’s challenging and rigorous but she still have a soft spot.

This Saturday morning I was so reluctant to catch the train or just take a taxi going to work. I struggled to wake up this morning. Maybe because 3 days of holiday was over. I literally stayed 15 more minutes to bed before I decided to catch the train. It was so breezy and cold but the sun shines earlier now than before since spring is starting and British summer time is beginning tomorrow meaning an hour back to the normal hours to save day light. When I was walking going to work, I love how little flowers starting to grow whether from trees and grass. It’s really beautiful. There is one in Alma road, it’s a pink flower and petals just fall down because of the breeze.

      They are called Camellia Japonica.

 

They are so beautiful, the leaves looked so golden because of the sunrise and the petals looked almost fake because of the colour and texture.     

Now, we have this beautiful verse from the book of Psalms from David while fleeing from his Son Absalom. It highlights God’s protective, validating, and encouraging nature during times of crisis and immense pressure. “Shield around me”, represents God’s total protection. Unlike a hand-held shield, this implies a 360-degree shield that protects from all sides. “My glory”, suggests that true honour and reputation come from God, not from earthly status or success. “Lifter up of my head”, implies lifting someone out of despair, restoring confidence, and alleviating shame of hopelessness. 

This verse marks a shift in the Psalm from describing the threats(v.1-2) to declaring confidence in God’s protection and restoration. 

My personal view in this verse is that God is always the source of my strength. He is also my weak spot. For every battle I face, God is my shield, my fortress and my refuge. He calms the storm. He will always be your guide. I remember when I was still in my old job, I had a difficult coworker. And I felt like I had the worst job ever being a CRO(Client Relations Officer). I was not allowed to sit, I should always be in my heels when assisting clients and I need to do credit card forms before going home amidst not having my own desktop. Life was tough. Challenges always come and go. Every branch I went was always a disaster. There are obstacles. There is no perfect branch. But I held up high. I humbled myself always. And took a deep breath, praised the Lord for all His goodness. Because He is my strength.

Now, almost the same. New job, new environment. New colleagues. New challenges. But there is no battle I’ve won without God. He always walks beside me, before me and behind me. I have come far now, there is no room to quit. 

For the Glory!

God bless us all! 

Lenten Series: The source of unity

 

 

Greetings! This is the last day of my holiday before I go back to work tomorrow. Three days has gone so fast. Anyway, I am looking forward to my next holiday on Tuesday, that’s the last holidays I can avail before going to the next annual year for holidays on April. Today was gloomy. I decided not to go out for a run. It was rainy, cold and breezy. I did an activity that will make me feel active and that is house cleaning!!!! 

I woke up with a shocking news this morning that my mum decided to go home unexpectedly to Cebu to attend her sister’s burial tomorrow. It was so sudden that it was supposed to be yesterday or two days prior. It was a last minute decision she made. Me, my dad and my sister were so worried. She’ll be traveling on her own. I rang her this morning and felt at peace that she’s on the bus going to Clark Airport. Her flight is at 5.45am, she’ll be arriving between 7-8am in Cebu just before her sister’s burial. My dad was flabbergasted and I could hear his words coming from our group chat. He sounds so angry and grumpy. But at the same time, I totally understand my mum. I mean that’s her sister. I phoned her this morning and I totally understand her. She was giving back the gratitude her sister gave us when she was still living. And I would also be devastated when I did not do my best before it’s too late. I think my dad only thinks about the transportation money, he was not understanding my mum’s feelings. She just wants to say her last goodbye. That’s her whole exact point. The moment I heard my mum’s shaking voice a while ago, I totally knew she’s not in her normal state of mind. She’s not calm, she’s so worried and anxious. She wants to see her sister for the very last time. And I totally understand that. She was so upset she could have been there on her last dying moment. And that’s what love is. That’s her sister. Her own kin. Her own blood.

Brothers and sisters, we have another beautiful verse from PAUL to the Romans. He wrote a prayer for believers to live in harmony and Christlike love. It asks “the God of endurance and encouragement” to grant believers the same attitude toward each other that Christ Jesus had, enabling them to coexist peacefully despite differences. 

Paul highlights that true, lasting harmony comes from God, not just human effort. Christians are encouraged to treat each other with the same self-sacrificial love and patience that Jesus showed. 

Just like what my aunt showed her concern, love and understanding to my mum. That is sister love. Whatever conflicts that they have done was over now. She’s gone. Sister’s rivalry is not forever. Sisters should always there for each other. We are just human, we’re not perfect. There are no perfect family. But what is the most important lesson they taught us as mums. They taught us to pray, have faith. They were not a perfect parents. But they taught us to surrender everything. To give up everything to the Lord. To submit ourselves to our husbands and be a good woman of God. That is true sisters’ unity. Unity to pray, to love and to submit.

Tomorrow is my aunt’s burial. I wish and pray God guides her and deliver her from purgatory. And may perpetual light shine upon her. And may her soul rest in peace. Again, Tita Denz, you will be missed. 

You’re forever in our hearts. 

 

Lenten Series: Facing Failures

 

Hi Good morning! It’s my second day of holiday today. Not too busy but I skipped my morning run and decided to run this afternoon. It was a cold this morning when I set my alarm at 7am. I felt so tired and my eyes were so hard for me to open. I think it’s because of the 3 cans of cocktails I had last night that made me felt so tired and exhausted this morning. Hahaha! Laziness was overcoming me and gave me the procrastination.

Kidding aside, it is a beautiful day today. Very sunny, but cold.  It’s almost noon but I feel the chill from my early shift. I had my deviled eggs toast again for the nth time and my hot chai latte with a pinch of cinnamon and a huge banana. I discovered that it tasted better when I added a tablespoon of greek yogurt. The balance was perfect. I needed to go out later so I can buy a few groceries from the shop for dinner and for my breakfast tomorrow. 

We have another beautiful verse here again and this verse was written by Jeremiah to the Jewish people exiled in Babylon, encouraging them to maintain faith while in captivity. So long ago, stories about rude kings being so mean to the people of God. Putting them in chains and the worst is torturing them. A lot of prophets  who was with God taught people to pray to God continually and trust Him in times of hardships and  trials. For nothing is impossible with God.

I questioned God why does he not allow me to save enough money. I always ended up broke. I have decent job seriously why? My dad asked me a huge amount of money last month and now I sent him the money.  I asked my dad where will he spend the money, I was thinking about him buying a car or spending the rest of taxes that we need for the house title we were longing for so long. But he said no, he will spend it on betting games on the cockpit this coming Sunday. My heart was pounding so fast and teary a lil bit. It was so unfair. The hard earned money I was saving for months, I’ve sent him and he’ll just spend it to a useless bet with no chance of winning or losing. I was struggling so much. I want to complain. I want to scold at him and talk back. But nothing, I didn’t complain. It’s not about the money but he was not thinking about my hardships. The struggle for me to go to work and mingle with guests. And my other colleagues, the struggle for me to wake up so early and catch a train, the struggle to walk alone late at night, the struggle not to buy useless things that I can’t resist, the struggle that we can’t go dates with my husband because we were thinking about the money spent on expensive dates rather than home cook meals, the struggle not to go to church on sundays just to go to work, the struggle that I need to be away just to work with no motivation at all, the struggle for me to walk 2km everyday. All of this, my dad can’t see!  He can’t see! He can’t feel! I’m so away from my comfort zone. Communication barrier, multiculturalism, diversity, faking your smiles everyday, toxic coworkers, target pressures. None of this, he can’t see them. No one! God only knows!

He said he’ll pay it back on his midyear pay on June. And yes,  I would insist him to pay me back! That’s my money! That’s my savings! That’s my budget! He also told me, I can’t say this to my mum. Yes it’s obvious! He’s a gambler! Whatever happens! I’m done! I can’t even go home. I have nothing again. Going back to zero. (T_T)I AM BROKE AGAIN! BROKE! Why God? You won’t allow me to save atleast a grand. Why????? Is this my fate? A curse? I’m trying my best. All my life, I’m paying debts. Literally debts!!!!

I can’t even dream for myself. Is this a test again God? I will always come back and cry again to you my Lord. Are you testing me again? Whatever I do, why do I always end up being a failure? I failed again. Is it because I don’t go to church anymore? I always pray to you. I’m always speaking to you. Why did I came out to this world poor? Did you intend to bring me poverty all my life? Is debt always in me? I should my change to BENALIZA DEBT. That should be. Cos it’s always in me. Wherever I go, whatever I do. It’s like attached to me forever!!!

Now, I am here sincerely seeking you again God. You should have been so tired noh? The only thing that makes me happy is your presence and thinking that I will see my sister again soon. I have a loving husband, he understands me, he’s very patient. I commend this perseverance and his commitment at work even if sometimes he annoys me. I am very sorry I always ended up scolding at him and angry. But I love him so much. He’s been my living armor too. I pray to God that someday he’ll end up following Jesus seriously and wholeheartedly. I always pray me and him will be your bond servants. We want to serve you my Lord all the days of our lives. Because you are the One and only King that we will worship and serve. You are the divine and our provider. You are our master!

I may not have this a lot of money, I admit that. I looked like I have a lot of money.  But no!!!! Hell no! But the time I had several encounters with Jesus, he makes me alive. He always gives me the purpose and the motivation to work more hard and have the patience. Cos he takes his time to shape me and make me stronger in times like this. As if I have an EMERGENCY KIT. That includes a strong prayer and worship to ask God to give me strength and courage to face this trial again. Because it keeps coming back, my financial struggle is the emergency! And God is my aid.

At this moment, I should not worry. But I’m just human, I always worry. I doubt. I’m anxious, I am hurt. I always ask God to teach me not to doubt and worry. To lift up all my worries, and He’ll take care of the rest. Just like the birds in the air and the flowers that did not worry where to get all their food. And God provides, what more us human who has our Father? I know God would not allow me to cry and worry and He appreciates my efforts. He doesn’t asks anything from me just my whole commitment. He’s the father who thinks always good for His child, he will not allow me to be in harm or hurt. He’s the only father who is fair and just. He is the only father who is perfect and mighty. He will not allow me to go broke and fail. I have his back and his word. My confidant and my saviour.

Thinking about all the good deeds the Father gave to me right from the very beginning. The times I was failing over and over again. I am confident He will help me again. He will never let me down. He will never forsake me. I am His child and He is my King. He is my comfort and my strength. 

God bless us all!