Jesus Calling: A bible series, Day 201/365

 

Good morning Lord!

Thank you for the great weekend I had. Last Saturday, I had an amazing 12km run and it felt hard, I wore a fitted shoe and the back of my lower right leg sore but overall I had a good run. The weather was amazing. Not too hot nor cold just a cloudy morning with a bit of sunshine and it was perfect. Also yesterday, I joined my cousin, Madel and went to his brother's house in Aylesbury and the place was so nice. Not too crowded, an exclusive estate away from the busy city life in London. Their house was pleasant and lovely. Kelly, my other nephew is already a big boy and very cheery. But he's not that warm and welcome yet to me as I was just introduced and not fairly close to him so I know it takes time for him to accept me but he's so lovely, full of energy and lively but he's temper is so short hahaha. He doesn't want to be laughed or teased. I know he's just a baby still a toddler and he'll grow up soon and understand things more mature. We had Filipino pork style barbecue, grilled milkfish, I also made some ensalada (which is a combination of tomatoes, cucumber, red onion, half ripen mangoes and they added grilled eggplant. It was so colourful and tasty, so healthy and the best pair for the grilled meats. It was so fun as we also sang as Filipino gathering is not complete without KTV with singing and dancing. It was a happy and fun Sunday. Catching up with my immediate family members and eating together our staple Filipino comfort foods. It really felt home. 

Meantime, when my cousin, Michael called his parents while we were eating, I just noticed my aunt, Mary Ann who didn't even said hi or hello to Kuya Mark, Yui's dad. It really hurt me, I felt bad and sorry for him. I just realised that until now, my aunt wouldn't accept Mark and their relationship which is really bad for Ate Madel's mental health which is true. Imagine your own mother would not even dare to ask how you were doing or how they were settling in. Nothing. It was so ruthless, heartless mother!!! Today, my cousin just left a message to me saying that it's just now, today that it was finally sucked in her thoughts and mind. That her own mother was cruel and mean. I just gave her a real life advice that no matter what happen, the Lord is not sleeping. He is listening, he knows everything, every heartache, every tear, everything. She is not alone. I also told her that we are thankful that we are not living in our own parents anymore and we are lucky we are already here living our life. Cherishing our life. She already has her own family which I know that she is a good mum, she does everything for Yui, her daughter and her happiness is now. The present. We are the generation that will stop the cycle. Making sure history will not repeat itself. We will make sure our children are loved, understood and feel home. Not abandoned, not judged, not left or forsaken. Just pure and unconditional love. We will make sure our children are free to choose who they want to love and be with for the rest of their lives. We will make sure our children are treated right, not feeling insecure with their siblings, no favourites. 

Today is a very beautiful verse from Matthew. This verse forms the conclusion to Jesus' metaphor in the Sermon on the Mount, contrasting the demanding path of righteousness with the easier road that leads to destruction. 

''Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way..'' The path to salvation and true life in God's kingdom requires intentionality, discipline and adherence to Christ's teachings, which often go against natural human desires and cultural norms.

''which leads to life'' the difficult journey has a supremely rewarding destination: eternal life and communion with God.

''and there are few who find it'' Jesus acknowledges that because the path is rigorous, the majority of people will opt for the seemingly easier, wider road that ultimately leads to ruin. 

Lord, I pray that you will always keep us safe, keep us away from harm, evil, bad vibes and temptation. Protect my family, my close family and friends even my immediate family members here in The UK. Please provide us with support, love and care always and we lift to you all our worries and pain. May you turn them into blessings and thank you for providing us an unconditional love always. We love you and we give everything to you in your most highest name. 

Amen.

Lenten Series: The ransom (Holy Tuesday)

 

Greetings! Start of my holiday break! Wew! 

I woke up early this morning because our cat, Ruby, licked my eye and was so eager to have her breakfast. I forgot that she is already used eating early in the morning because of my early shifts, before I leave for work, I’m used to feed her as early as 5am. Hahaha! So a while ago, she jumped on me and wanted to be fed. So silly.

After I fed Ruby, I went back to sleep, I felt so drowsy and tired. I woke up with my legs aching and my back hurts. T_T

I woke up finally at around half nine when Paul opened the TV, the volume woke me up. Why does he can’t watch TV with a soft sound? I can’t open my eyes but I can hear the  TV, it annoyed me. I wanted to sleep more. My body felt like I am paralyzed but it’s painful. My mind was not ready to be awake. I’m on a holiday. I got hungry and finally decided to wake up and make some yogurt bowl. Paul is leaving for work. I needed to remind him that he needs to transfer the money he owe me last Saturday when he decided to get a takeaway. He gave me an exact 25GBP. Bro?! That was 25.27GBP !!! He owe me 27p. Anyway, he can’t be asked. That was my budget anyway. I don’t have any plans getting a takeaway this week. Besides, he almost ate all of them, I gave him all. Cos I can’t eat meat this week. Yesterday, I asked Paul to meet his mum this coming Saturday, and we’ll go up to London to have dinner. Like bro?! Why don’t you want to meet your family??? If Philippines is just a few hours away, I would go home like every 3 months. I miss them so much. Not now,  because I still have this little grouch to my dad. I was not even talking to him since Saturday even asking how he was. I know he’s ok. He’s fine with his chickens. He was also trying to call from our group chat and no one answered. My mum is still in Cebu, and my sister didn’t know I have this displeasure towards him and she was the only talking to him regarding the house title processing. My sister is better than me on that matter so she can help him. I just have this little “Don’t care” attitude today. I can’t be asked. 

Sometimes, it feels good to have this accursed attitude. Not being sweet, kind girl. After all, I don’t live at that house anymore. Before the end of the day, I will always feel guilt and trap.

Today my dear friends, we have this beautiful verse from Matthew. A verse declaring how selfless Jesus is. He came as a man here on earth, born to be a man but died as a King. It reminded us that Jesus is truly the son of God, not only the son but only begotten son who died for us and paid all our debts. Like yesterday’s verse, the lamb which is a symbol of purity and sacrifice. Today’s verse talks about that the lamb is not just an offering but a ransom. Ransom for humanity. God’s wrath from the beginning to the Israelites, being rude, always complaining, greedy, creating wars and conflicts, full of sins makes God hate humanity and tempted to destroy earth again. But because God is merciful and loving, always forgiving. He sent his son to deliver us from evil. Jesus was made not only for me but for everyone. All we need to do is accept him and let his love shine all over us. Share it to everyone and remind us that God will always be there for us even at dark times.

Problems and conflicts are always there in human life. We can’t erase that. I remember my mum when I was in high school, we had a conversation about problems coming in our lives. She was provoked when I told her that problems are always there. You can’t erase them. I was trying to say that God sometimes gives us trials because he knows we can overcome it. He never gives a problem we can’t solve. And my mum kicked me, she was so angry at me and shouted, “Kung pwde lang alisin yang problema, erase-in na dapat yan!!!” And she kicked me. I was surprised and told myself that my mum was never an open minded person. Her understanding that God never made problems for us is not broad. 

I want to quote a verse from the bible about problems, it’s from James, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” (V1:2-4)

It’s true my dear friends, I encountered several trials in my life. Not just one, multiple times. Sometimes, it’s repetitive and I did it over repeat mistakes without realizing its lessons. Sometimes, mistakes are all lesson. We will never value life without life’s mistakes. It takes a lot of courage and God’s constant help to overcome trials. 

Also, this verse talks about Humbleness. The son of God did not come to be served. He was not even born in a deluxe hospital with fine robes and linen. He was born in a manger. A manger my dear friends is an open trough or box found in stables or barns, used for holding feed for livestock like horses and cattle. Pharisees and even Kings believed that he will be born King. With a bed made in fine carving, with jewels and embellishments but no. Jesus was born with a humble beginning to remind us that we humans should be humble as his. We don’t have nothing. We are just human, and it is right to serve the Lord with humbleness and righteousness because he is the son of God. It is our duty to serve him and to pay back all the ransom He had sacrificed for us.

I feel sometimes why is life so unfair? Why is it always me that needs to sacrifice and understand things? But I always thank Jesus for he taught me how to sacrifice and be humble. It should be me who cares and understands situations even when everyone doesn’t. Because that is true Christianity. Jesus humbles Himself  so I should be too.

God bless us all!

Lenten Series: Everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

 Greetings! Today is another day to reflect to a wonderful verse which I am really relying over the years. I love this verse so much! One of the powerful, most inspiring verse you can adapt if you are feeling low, needy and hopeless. This verse from Matthew 7:7 

is a promise from Jesus urging persistent, active prayer and trust in God’s goodness. It means God is an approachable Father who delights in giving good gifts to those who earnestly seek Him.

I just spoke with my mum overseas this morning and I heard a devastating news, that her sister, our aunt died. She was one of mum’s closest sibling. Our help when we were in need a few decades ago when we were struck by a big storm that destroyed or house. She was also a good tailor and garments designer. She made us numerous dresses ever since we were born. She also attended my wedding amidst she was ill and old. She made it and were happy to see us. She was there at every stage of our lives. I also broke down to tears hearing the bad news a while ago. Especially when I heard she wasn’t treated nicely and was not spoiled by her children when she was still living. She sustained everything she has to her children, gave them everything. But when she got old, that good deed was not given back to her. She needs to continue working until she got ill just to sustain her own daily expenses. At her last days, she didn’t have any pension or insurance which her family could have used for her burial. It was so sad. It broke my heart. Me and mum cried out so hard, our eyes got so swollen. Until now, while I’m writing this blog, I am feeling a lil bit teary. I would never imagine treating my own mum like that. She deserves everything I have. All my trophies, my victories, my achievements, even my sorrows, she knows. 

My mum decided to extend our condolences to my cousins and sent them money. I also offered them any help or assistance that I can. Money is easily earned, but our love and assistance will be forever remembered. I hope my aunt sees us what we can do for her until this very day. She will be forever missed. She might not be lucky raising helpful and selfless children, atleast she has good nieces and a sister who is still here for her even when she’s gone. I hope the Lord sees us and forward a message to her sending or regards that she will be missed and remembered. Even when she has no personal savings when she was still living, I know she just thinks about her children and forgets her own. She’s a selfless mum. She was not even lucky to have a husband of her own. I admired her braveness and strength raising five children. God has been so good with her. She even became an OFW for so many years. Being here overseas is so hard. It’s not easy. The equivalent of money you earn every month to your family would not equal the value how you miss every second of your family. The comfort is so far behind what everyone is seeing. It is not like that. The cost of living is killing us. The diversity and multiculturalism is not easy. It takes a lot of patience, perseverance, motivation and commitment. Even swallowing your own pride, your bachelor’s degree is nothing. You are doing similar to what undergrads are doing here and you both earning a minimum wage. Being grateful and not complaining will make you different.

It came back to my memory the times when I have nothing. Even a single peso, I was so broke. It was really difficult when you have no money. You can’t even ask your parents or your friends because they might see you as a failure. But God really was so good. He never forgets me. I was literally always crying every night and wishing to end my life. But I was visioning my family dealing my debts even when I am gone. That will be so embarrassing. 

Even now, I have multiple loans from the Philippines. It will take me 3 more years to finish all of them. That is why my current job is so important to me because this helps me pay them and also helps my husband pay some of our bills. Money makes the world really go round. Money is also a root cause of evil. 

The verse today is not just about material desires, it also seeking God even in our darkest times. I would imagine other people, where do they cling when you have nothing? Is it their family? Friends? Our family sometimes is not the best to say our problems. I would personally keep it. I’m honestly not comfortable telling all what I feel to them especially to my mum. She judges me easily. I had several encounters with my mum that I would cry and feeling anguish and hate because she doesn’t understand me. She usually gaslights me. But because I feel she was maltreated when she was young. Her inner child wasn’t healed. I was the one understanding her. My sister usually feels the same way too. I didn’t know until lately that my sister had so many encounters with my mum and hated her all her high school and university days. She was so persuaded and decided to leave home. She was now doing well on her craft. She is doing good in everything she does and she has “Raphael” now which she can rely. And I am so happy to see her grow and to be loved. She deserves everything in the world because she is a good sister, a good daughter and a good person. I always broke down to tears whenever I think about my sister. I see her always as my little baby sister. There was just 2 major fights we had all my life. And those times was the worst. I would always felt guilty and resentful whenever I reminisce them. 

I am really blessed to have a beautiful sister. She is more mature than me. She was so selfless. I miss how we sleep together in one bed. Fighting over stupid plushies and pillows. Our life was so simple back then. I never imagined until this day that we will be apart. We were just those kids who were just struggling to go home without being scolded because we don’t wear our jackets or because we threw our leftover lunches. I miss home because of her. That’s why I cried heavily on my wedding day, the moment she gave her speech. I would also cry on her wedding day too. I’m always going to be the big sis se can ever rely to. No matter what happens, sisters forever. 

God gave me a sister whom I can rely anytime. She is my biggest blessing. This verse is a living proof that there is always someone whom God made for you to rely. Just like my cousins, their mum, Tita Denz, is a proof that God will never forsake them though their dad was gone at their early years. Their mum was a beacon of strength and their pillar of light. Her works will always be missed. Her deeds will never be forgotten. 

Lord please, let her rest with you. May you be with her until we meet her again soon. 

Tita Denz, we will miss you. You will be forever in our hearts. Rest easy.