Lenten series: Fixing our eyes On Jesus..(Holy Wednesday)

 

Greetings! Happy April fool’s day! Wow! March was finally over! This was the longest month of the year! 

It’s a new month! New opportunities hopefully(crossing our fingers) and yes! It’s Holy Wednesday, my second holiday this week. It was cloudy today. I woke up sore again, my cat woke me up being silly and naughty. Knocked things in my bedroom, she is literally telling me to feed her. Come on! I have not run this morning, I felt like it’s so cold and breezy. The sun is not out there. Gloomy, cloudy, blurry and looks sad. 

I made pancakes from scratch and I will post the recipe to my next post. It was incredible, fluffy and gluten free pancakes. I love it! I also decided to put some cloves to my favourite drinks because my mum told me it helps thicken your hair and prevent gray hair from coming out. Hope me good luck, I will post a review once I notice an improvement. 

Yesterday, I ditched some of Paul’s clothes and placed all his suitcases in the attic. It is ready to be donated. I also did a 30 minute dance workout and it felt so amazing, I sweat it all out, I felt my calories did burned a lot. I made a celery, carrot and a half lemon smoothie and it was so sour! I wished I didn’t put all the lemon in. Hahaha! I also made fusili bolognese pasta for Paul last night, I decided not to put ready made bolognese sauce but just chopped tomatoes and herbs to reveal its true natural flavour. And I’m right! Paul loved it. I will also post a separate blog about the recipe, though I overcooked the pasta. Hahaha!

Today my dear friends, we have a wonderful verse from the book of Hebrews instructing believers to maintain unwavering focus on Jesus as the ultimate example of faith, strength, and endurance. It highlights Jesus as the founder and completer of our spiritual journey, who endured the shame of cross for future joy, now seated in glory.

Fixing our eyes means intentionally turning away from distraction, sin and wordly burdens to focus on Christ. Last February, Ash Wednesday, I decided to shut temporarily my social media accounts as a sacrifice and to focus my attention to Jesus this Lent. Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent where we believers exercise our faith like fasting, turning away from things that pleasures you like drinking, smoking, excessive eating, shopping, entertainment and even sexual intimacy. This practices is like similar to the tradition of our muslim friends but in a more meaningful and devoted intentions. I also noticed that few of my muslim coworkers were fasting from sunrise to sunset but after sunset they start to smoke or eat sweets/desserts, excessive eating also sexual intimacy with their partners. These are forms of pleasures that entice us to sin and commit distractions. Fixing our eyes to Jesus means committing ourselves to be holy and righteous. Following his ways, surrendering everything to the Lord. Sacrificing our own material desires to become followers of Christ. And that is what I am trying to do. I commit myself not eating meat this week, because that is pleasure. Which this holy week means that we need to practice divinity and simplicity, humbleness and perseverance just like Christ obeying His Father.

Jesus is also the author and perfecter or the finisher. He is both the source of our salvation and the one that matures our faith, carrying it to completion. He also did not focus on pain of the cross but on the joy of redeeming humanity and his subsequent glorification. Jesus “sitting at the right hand of God” indicates His work of redemption is finished and he holds supreme authority. 

I can site some few examples on how to apply this beautiful verse in our daily lives. One example is which  is drawing on Jesus’ example to endure personal hardships or temptation without giving up, focusing on faith rather than earthly distractions like social media which is one of the biggest distractions nowadays, wealth like working too hard and not taking day offs, and peer pressure.

Overcoming shame is one of the biggest challenges today. Ignoring social embarrassment or ridicule that may come from living a devoted Christian life. Browsing content over Instagram, YouTube, TikTok even Facebook these are the biggest social media platforms nowadays. You can see explicit contents even verbally or physically abusing person which they think is funny. The more funny it may seem, the more views and paid ads they receive which is pretty sad. Commoners who don’t use social media a lot will never understand their content. Living here in the UK, one thing I’ve noticed is that there are a lot of people who don’t use social media. People go to parks, read books even on Trains and bus, there are a lot of people who don’t value followers or even views on what you post or do on social media. My husband,  Paul was one of them, he doesn’t care about what you achieve and post it somewhere to social media, update what you been up to to people and post videos or pictures on your stories that will eventually disappear after 24 hours. It’s silly but it’s true. I was one of those people who got influences a lot of social media before I came here in the UK. My life was connected to social media. I browse a lot of different random things, spent hours watching useless short clips. I even attempted to do my own content which I gave up already. Because I am too weak to handle criticisms and negative feedbacks. This period of my life where I disconnected and deactivated for a while took me a pause to everything. My sleep improved, I don’t need to spend hours browsing useless videos to sleep ad ruin my cycle. Also I had peace of mind not thinking about people to impress and stalk to other people’s lives. I am happy. I started to open my blog and write again, I had more time for myself. I started running to breathe and start my running era again. I am starting to live with a purpose now. Not because I want to post something to my social media account which I will start to activate it again but I want to make a change. I want to post with a purpose, to inspire everyone and to influence them with a cause. That is my mission. I want to be an inspiration to everyone that we can defeat earthly pleasures, use social media as a platform of faith and cause. That is suppose social media should do. I am trying to love myself back. Spending my time on things that focuses my deeper connection with God and my faith.

Life is short and yes everyone knows it. Sometimes it’s a race. Sometimes it’s like a wheel. Life is life a box of chocolate from one of my favourite films, Forrest Gump. You never know what’s inside. So let’s make our life more meaningful, with a purpose and a plan. Life may have a lot of trials and problems, but look at the bigger picture. Jesus is bigger than your problems. He gave you a mission and He needs you to accomplish it. He gave you talents that you should share and aspire people. 

Change begins in you. Your life starts now.

God bless us all!

Lenten Series: The ransom (Holy Tuesday)

 

Greetings! Start of my holiday break! Wew! 

I woke up early this morning because our cat, Ruby, licked my eye and was so eager to have her breakfast. I forgot that she is already used eating early in the morning because of my early shifts, before I leave for work, I’m used to feed her as early as 5am. Hahaha! So a while ago, she jumped on me and wanted to be fed. So silly.

After I fed Ruby, I went back to sleep, I felt so drowsy and tired. I woke up with my legs aching and my back hurts. T_T

I woke up finally at around half nine when Paul opened the TV, the volume woke me up. Why does he can’t watch TV with a soft sound? I can’t open my eyes but I can hear the  TV, it annoyed me. I wanted to sleep more. My body felt like I am paralyzed but it’s painful. My mind was not ready to be awake. I’m on a holiday. I got hungry and finally decided to wake up and make some yogurt bowl. Paul is leaving for work. I needed to remind him that he needs to transfer the money he owe me last Saturday when he decided to get a takeaway. He gave me an exact 25GBP. Bro?! That was 25.27GBP !!! He owe me 27p. Anyway, he can’t be asked. That was my budget anyway. I don’t have any plans getting a takeaway this week. Besides, he almost ate all of them, I gave him all. Cos I can’t eat meat this week. Yesterday, I asked Paul to meet his mum this coming Saturday, and we’ll go up to London to have dinner. Like bro?! Why don’t you want to meet your family??? If Philippines is just a few hours away, I would go home like every 3 months. I miss them so much. Not now,  because I still have this little grouch to my dad. I was not even talking to him since Saturday even asking how he was. I know he’s ok. He’s fine with his chickens. He was also trying to call from our group chat and no one answered. My mum is still in Cebu, and my sister didn’t know I have this displeasure towards him and she was the only talking to him regarding the house title processing. My sister is better than me on that matter so she can help him. I just have this little “Don’t care” attitude today. I can’t be asked. 

Sometimes, it feels good to have this accursed attitude. Not being sweet, kind girl. After all, I don’t live at that house anymore. Before the end of the day, I will always feel guilt and trap.

Today my dear friends, we have this beautiful verse from Matthew. A verse declaring how selfless Jesus is. He came as a man here on earth, born to be a man but died as a King. It reminded us that Jesus is truly the son of God, not only the son but only begotten son who died for us and paid all our debts. Like yesterday’s verse, the lamb which is a symbol of purity and sacrifice. Today’s verse talks about that the lamb is not just an offering but a ransom. Ransom for humanity. God’s wrath from the beginning to the Israelites, being rude, always complaining, greedy, creating wars and conflicts, full of sins makes God hate humanity and tempted to destroy earth again. But because God is merciful and loving, always forgiving. He sent his son to deliver us from evil. Jesus was made not only for me but for everyone. All we need to do is accept him and let his love shine all over us. Share it to everyone and remind us that God will always be there for us even at dark times.

Problems and conflicts are always there in human life. We can’t erase that. I remember my mum when I was in high school, we had a conversation about problems coming in our lives. She was provoked when I told her that problems are always there. You can’t erase them. I was trying to say that God sometimes gives us trials because he knows we can overcome it. He never gives a problem we can’t solve. And my mum kicked me, she was so angry at me and shouted, “Kung pwde lang alisin yang problema, erase-in na dapat yan!!!” And she kicked me. I was surprised and told myself that my mum was never an open minded person. Her understanding that God never made problems for us is not broad. 

I want to quote a verse from the bible about problems, it’s from James, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” (V1:2-4)

It’s true my dear friends, I encountered several trials in my life. Not just one, multiple times. Sometimes, it’s repetitive and I did it over repeat mistakes without realizing its lessons. Sometimes, mistakes are all lesson. We will never value life without life’s mistakes. It takes a lot of courage and God’s constant help to overcome trials. 

Also, this verse talks about Humbleness. The son of God did not come to be served. He was not even born in a deluxe hospital with fine robes and linen. He was born in a manger. A manger my dear friends is an open trough or box found in stables or barns, used for holding feed for livestock like horses and cattle. Pharisees and even Kings believed that he will be born King. With a bed made in fine carving, with jewels and embellishments but no. Jesus was born with a humble beginning to remind us that we humans should be humble as his. We don’t have nothing. We are just human, and it is right to serve the Lord with humbleness and righteousness because he is the son of God. It is our duty to serve him and to pay back all the ransom He had sacrificed for us.

I feel sometimes why is life so unfair? Why is it always me that needs to sacrifice and understand things? But I always thank Jesus for he taught me how to sacrifice and be humble. It should be me who cares and understands situations even when everyone doesn’t. Because that is true Christianity. Jesus humbles Himself  so I should be too.

God bless us all!

Lenten series: The Lamb of God (Holy Monday)

 

Greetings! Oh it’s Monday! It’s the first day of the week! Should I be celebrating, grateful or feeling lazy today? I was a little bit excited because after Monday, it’s going to be my 3-day holiday. How I wish it will extend until Easter Monday. Yehey!!! My shift was not that busy but it was fast. It was breezy today. 

After my shift, I went home and changed to my workout clothes. I was decided to do a 10 km this afternoon but it was so breezy, cold and windy. The gust was 27mph! So I just ran a 3km easy run. I went home and did a 25 minute dance workout. Wow! The sweat came down! I am still undecided whether to wake up early morning tomorrow to do a long distance run. I saw the weather forecast, it’s going to be cloudy. Not sure if it’s going to be sunny.

I made my vegetable salad for dinner tonight. Lettuce, tomatoes, red onions, cucumber and crab sticks. Dressing was from a little left over of my french dressing, ground black pepper, greet yogurt and light mayo. Wow! Heaven! It’s so perfect. I ate the whole bowl. I felt so detoxified hahaha. While I baked some pork bell slices with rice and beans for Paul.

Today my dear brothers and sisters, we have a beautiful verse from John declaring that Jesus is the lamb of God. The redeemer, our saviour, the only begotten son whom God sacrificed for all humanity. 

I remember a clip from a series at Amazon it’s called “The Chosen”, back from the old times when you want to offer a burnt sacrifice to God, a clean lamb with no spot or dirt is only accepted as a symbol of purity, forgiveness and redemption. People showing their lambs to Pharisees are slowly and thoroughly checked. If you can’t present a clean lamb, you can’t offer your burnt sacrifice and your sins are never forgiven. And this man from that scene, saw Jesus coming from the crowd. An aura of cleanliness, purity and spotless. Jesus is the “perfect lamb”. 

God’s gift to humanity. His only son, whom he offered and sacrificed. The lamb who’s taking away all our sins. Because we can’t present any perfect lamb as perfect as Jesus. He presented himself. He submitted himself to His Father’s will. No complaints or doubts. He obeyed.

And here we are, dirty. Undeserving to be called sons and daughters. But it is never too late. Following Him, His ways, His laws, all His teachings. All we need to do is accept him. Surrendering everything to Him, be thankful for He paid all our debts. Jesus is the only way through the Father. 

We don’t need any burnt offerings, valuables or treasures to offer. We only need to accept Jesus and testify that he redeemed everything. He redeemed all our sins. He is our saviour, our Messiah. 

Jesus, the perfect lamb of God.

God bless us all!

Lenten Series: King of kings, Lord of lords (Palm Sunday)

 

Greetings! Happy Palm Sunday and Happy British Summer times! Wew! That was a wrap! 

Today I woke up literally so late! OMG! My smart watch did not sync to my phone! I woke up from my colleagues phone calls! That was so embarrassing! Also a big mistake. I should have set up my wake up call from my phone, not on my watch! Hahaha! So funny! So today, the British time goes back 1 hour. And my watch clock did not sync! Wow! Hahaha! I literally threw my watch. Useless! Hahaha. Good thing, I booked a taxi so quick. I arrived 27 minutes late. Hahaha! And when Hani, my colleague told me everyone came in late today. That was hilarious. 

Today is Palm Sunday. We have this beautiful verse from Luke. This verse features the crowd’s joyful acclamation during Jesus’ triumphal entry to Jerusalem. They were all shouting, “Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord”, affirming Jesus’ divine authorization and recognizing him as the promised King from PSALM 118:26.

The phrase, “Peace is the heaven and glory in the highest” echoes the angelic announcement at Jesus’ birth in Luke 2:14, signaling that Jesus’ arrival brings a reconciliation between God and humanity. 

This verse is so powerful and humbling, because it’s like a battlecry. A cry emphasizing the Jesus is the only one and true king. Our messiah. Our saviour. A cry telling everyone that no one will ever hurt us because He will protect us from all enemies. A cry telling everyone that He is the only begotten son that whoever believes Him will not perish but have everlasting life. A cry telling that we only proclaim Him as one true God. 

Also, this Palm Sunday reminds us that we are like the crowd. The same crowd that shouts glory to the highest, but at the same time the same crowd who shouted “CRUCIFY HIM!”. We are like the crowd who denied him. We were one of those crowd that rejected him, and abandoned him. 

It’s the beginning of holy week. This Sunday is the start. Acknowledging him and accepting him is one way how to follow him. Jesus is the only way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through him. Let us try to do our best to follow his ways. 

Some people take this time to book holidays and do enjoyment to themselves. Time is changing now. Well, I can’t blame them that’s why here in the UK, it’s called Easter break. But who are we to judge. But back in the Philippines, people especially average families, attend church activities. I remember we did processions during Good Friday, and do easter vigils. I literally miss home because of this activities. Now, I am trying to fast and not to eat meat this week. Avoiding desserts, sweets, social media, online shopping even intimate moment. These are my ways to honour and glorify the Lord. Because Holy week for me is so special, I exercise it properly because this is my devotion. Jesus is my Lord and my companion.

Have a blessed Palm Sunday to all! And have a meaningful holy week to everyone! 

Lenten Series: God's shield and defense

 

Greetings! Hello weekend! I'm back to work now, morning shift! ugh! Yes I hate it sometimes but thinking about finishing early is the best reason I love early shifts.

We have this special colleague, special in a way that everyone hates her. I will not mention her name but she's working in the kitchen most of the time doing breakfast and dinners. Some say she's grumpy most of the time. I mean yes, she doesn't smile more often but she's kind. I remember I gave her a little token last Christmas day and a hand cream when she went home last month to Bulgaria, she gave me a hand cream as well and I loved it becuase it's made from Bulgarian rose. I also found out that she had divorce a few years ago but she only had one son and I already met him. He was lovely and I can see that he loves his mum so much. She also finished her degree in Business? Not really sure what is it. But she did complete her while working on the same hotel we are working now. I was extremely proud of her because she told me she had no time to finish her course when she was younger and now is the perfect time for her to finish it since her son is already old enough to sustain himself and it's the best time to look for herself and accomplish things she did not do when she was raising her child alone. She is genuinely hardworking I can say. Very independent and persevere. She cleans the kitchen every breakfast, she took her time to clean it until 2pm the latest I can remember. God! She is a hard worker! I can’t complain. You wouldn’t just see her smile more often. She easily panic during busy breakfast and tends to very grumpy and almost breaks plates which you don’t differ from being busy, proactive or just angry. She has moods but she is definitely not complaisant. There were times I hate working early shifts because she’s doing breakfast shifts all the time. And I always ask God to give me a lot. Tons of patience. Because you wouldn’t just know if she likes me, she got irritated. She needs help or just want to be alone. Really? I really don’t know what she likes. Or maybe all of us were youngsters and she can’t complain? I really don’t know. On April 9th, we’re going to have a team meeting, maybe that time we can all raise all our opinions, questions and complaints. Just to make everything direct and end all the whos and whats. And that’s right. We need to have a unified agreement in all the standards and procedures. Because if anyone decides to do it her/his way, we may not all agree. Overall, I love her. She’s just a little too difficult to understand sometimes. She has moods and her gestures are not appropriate. I mean she’s challenging and rigorous but she still have a soft spot.

This Saturday morning I was so reluctant to catch the train or just take a taxi going to work. I struggled to wake up this morning. Maybe because 3 days of holiday was over. I literally stayed 15 more minutes to bed before I decided to catch the train. It was so breezy and cold but the sun shines earlier now than before since spring is starting and British summer time is beginning tomorrow meaning an hour back to the normal hours to save day light. When I was walking going to work, I love how little flowers starting to grow whether from trees and grass. It’s really beautiful. There is one in Alma road, it’s a pink flower and petals just fall down because of the breeze.

      They are called Camellia Japonica.

 

They are so beautiful, the leaves looked so golden because of the sunrise and the petals looked almost fake because of the colour and texture.     

Now, we have this beautiful verse from the book of Psalms from David while fleeing from his Son Absalom. It highlights God’s protective, validating, and encouraging nature during times of crisis and immense pressure. “Shield around me”, represents God’s total protection. Unlike a hand-held shield, this implies a 360-degree shield that protects from all sides. “My glory”, suggests that true honour and reputation come from God, not from earthly status or success. “Lifter up of my head”, implies lifting someone out of despair, restoring confidence, and alleviating shame of hopelessness. 

This verse marks a shift in the Psalm from describing the threats(v.1-2) to declaring confidence in God’s protection and restoration. 

My personal view in this verse is that God is always the source of my strength. He is also my weak spot. For every battle I face, God is my shield, my fortress and my refuge. He calms the storm. He will always be your guide. I remember when I was still in my old job, I had a difficult coworker. And I felt like I had the worst job ever being a CRO(Client Relations Officer). I was not allowed to sit, I should always be in my heels when assisting clients and I need to do credit card forms before going home amidst not having my own desktop. Life was tough. Challenges always come and go. Every branch I went was always a disaster. There are obstacles. There is no perfect branch. But I held up high. I humbled myself always. And took a deep breath, praised the Lord for all His goodness. Because He is my strength.

Now, almost the same. New job, new environment. New colleagues. New challenges. But there is no battle I’ve won without God. He always walks beside me, before me and behind me. I have come far now, there is no room to quit. 

For the Glory!

God bless us all! 

Lenten Series: The source of unity

 

 

Greetings! This is the last day of my holiday before I go back to work tomorrow. Three days has gone so fast. Anyway, I am looking forward to my next holiday on Tuesday, that’s the last holidays I can avail before going to the next annual year for holidays on April. Today was gloomy. I decided not to go out for a run. It was rainy, cold and breezy. I did an activity that will make me feel active and that is house cleaning!!!! 

I woke up with a shocking news this morning that my mum decided to go home unexpectedly to Cebu to attend her sister’s burial tomorrow. It was so sudden that it was supposed to be yesterday or two days prior. It was a last minute decision she made. Me, my dad and my sister were so worried. She’ll be traveling on her own. I rang her this morning and felt at peace that she’s on the bus going to Clark Airport. Her flight is at 5.45am, she’ll be arriving between 7-8am in Cebu just before her sister’s burial. My dad was flabbergasted and I could hear his words coming from our group chat. He sounds so angry and grumpy. But at the same time, I totally understand my mum. I mean that’s her sister. I phoned her this morning and I totally understand her. She was giving back the gratitude her sister gave us when she was still living. And I would also be devastated when I did not do my best before it’s too late. I think my dad only thinks about the transportation money, he was not understanding my mum’s feelings. She just wants to say her last goodbye. That’s her whole exact point. The moment I heard my mum’s shaking voice a while ago, I totally knew she’s not in her normal state of mind. She’s not calm, she’s so worried and anxious. She wants to see her sister for the very last time. And I totally understand that. She was so upset she could have been there on her last dying moment. And that’s what love is. That’s her sister. Her own kin. Her own blood.

Brothers and sisters, we have another beautiful verse from PAUL to the Romans. He wrote a prayer for believers to live in harmony and Christlike love. It asks “the God of endurance and encouragement” to grant believers the same attitude toward each other that Christ Jesus had, enabling them to coexist peacefully despite differences. 

Paul highlights that true, lasting harmony comes from God, not just human effort. Christians are encouraged to treat each other with the same self-sacrificial love and patience that Jesus showed. 

Just like what my aunt showed her concern, love and understanding to my mum. That is sister love. Whatever conflicts that they have done was over now. She’s gone. Sister’s rivalry is not forever. Sisters should always there for each other. We are just human, we’re not perfect. There are no perfect family. But what is the most important lesson they taught us as mums. They taught us to pray, have faith. They were not a perfect parents. But they taught us to surrender everything. To give up everything to the Lord. To submit ourselves to our husbands and be a good woman of God. That is true sisters’ unity. Unity to pray, to love and to submit.

Tomorrow is my aunt’s burial. I wish and pray God guides her and deliver her from purgatory. And may perpetual light shine upon her. And may her soul rest in peace. Again, Tita Denz, you will be missed. 

You’re forever in our hearts. 

 

Lenten Series: Everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

 Greetings! Today is another day to reflect to a wonderful verse which I am really relying over the years. I love this verse so much! One of the powerful, most inspiring verse you can adapt if you are feeling low, needy and hopeless. This verse from Matthew 7:7 

is a promise from Jesus urging persistent, active prayer and trust in God’s goodness. It means God is an approachable Father who delights in giving good gifts to those who earnestly seek Him.

I just spoke with my mum overseas this morning and I heard a devastating news, that her sister, our aunt died. She was one of mum’s closest sibling. Our help when we were in need a few decades ago when we were struck by a big storm that destroyed or house. She was also a good tailor and garments designer. She made us numerous dresses ever since we were born. She also attended my wedding amidst she was ill and old. She made it and were happy to see us. She was there at every stage of our lives. I also broke down to tears hearing the bad news a while ago. Especially when I heard she wasn’t treated nicely and was not spoiled by her children when she was still living. She sustained everything she has to her children, gave them everything. But when she got old, that good deed was not given back to her. She needs to continue working until she got ill just to sustain her own daily expenses. At her last days, she didn’t have any pension or insurance which her family could have used for her burial. It was so sad. It broke my heart. Me and mum cried out so hard, our eyes got so swollen. Until now, while I’m writing this blog, I am feeling a lil bit teary. I would never imagine treating my own mum like that. She deserves everything I have. All my trophies, my victories, my achievements, even my sorrows, she knows. 

My mum decided to extend our condolences to my cousins and sent them money. I also offered them any help or assistance that I can. Money is easily earned, but our love and assistance will be forever remembered. I hope my aunt sees us what we can do for her until this very day. She will be forever missed. She might not be lucky raising helpful and selfless children, atleast she has good nieces and a sister who is still here for her even when she’s gone. I hope the Lord sees us and forward a message to her sending or regards that she will be missed and remembered. Even when she has no personal savings when she was still living, I know she just thinks about her children and forgets her own. She’s a selfless mum. She was not even lucky to have a husband of her own. I admired her braveness and strength raising five children. God has been so good with her. She even became an OFW for so many years. Being here overseas is so hard. It’s not easy. The equivalent of money you earn every month to your family would not equal the value how you miss every second of your family. The comfort is so far behind what everyone is seeing. It is not like that. The cost of living is killing us. The diversity and multiculturalism is not easy. It takes a lot of patience, perseverance, motivation and commitment. Even swallowing your own pride, your bachelor’s degree is nothing. You are doing similar to what undergrads are doing here and you both earning a minimum wage. Being grateful and not complaining will make you different.

It came back to my memory the times when I have nothing. Even a single peso, I was so broke. It was really difficult when you have no money. You can’t even ask your parents or your friends because they might see you as a failure. But God really was so good. He never forgets me. I was literally always crying every night and wishing to end my life. But I was visioning my family dealing my debts even when I am gone. That will be so embarrassing. 

Even now, I have multiple loans from the Philippines. It will take me 3 more years to finish all of them. That is why my current job is so important to me because this helps me pay them and also helps my husband pay some of our bills. Money makes the world really go round. Money is also a root cause of evil. 

The verse today is not just about material desires, it also seeking God even in our darkest times. I would imagine other people, where do they cling when you have nothing? Is it their family? Friends? Our family sometimes is not the best to say our problems. I would personally keep it. I’m honestly not comfortable telling all what I feel to them especially to my mum. She judges me easily. I had several encounters with my mum that I would cry and feeling anguish and hate because she doesn’t understand me. She usually gaslights me. But because I feel she was maltreated when she was young. Her inner child wasn’t healed. I was the one understanding her. My sister usually feels the same way too. I didn’t know until lately that my sister had so many encounters with my mum and hated her all her high school and university days. She was so persuaded and decided to leave home. She was now doing well on her craft. She is doing good in everything she does and she has “Raphael” now which she can rely. And I am so happy to see her grow and to be loved. She deserves everything in the world because she is a good sister, a good daughter and a good person. I always broke down to tears whenever I think about my sister. I see her always as my little baby sister. There was just 2 major fights we had all my life. And those times was the worst. I would always felt guilty and resentful whenever I reminisce them. 

I am really blessed to have a beautiful sister. She is more mature than me. She was so selfless. I miss how we sleep together in one bed. Fighting over stupid plushies and pillows. Our life was so simple back then. I never imagined until this day that we will be apart. We were just those kids who were just struggling to go home without being scolded because we don’t wear our jackets or because we threw our leftover lunches. I miss home because of her. That’s why I cried heavily on my wedding day, the moment she gave her speech. I would also cry on her wedding day too. I’m always going to be the big sis se can ever rely to. No matter what happens, sisters forever. 

God gave me a sister whom I can rely anytime. She is my biggest blessing. This verse is a living proof that there is always someone whom God made for you to rely. Just like my cousins, their mum, Tita Denz, is a proof that God will never forsake them though their dad was gone at their early years. Their mum was a beacon of strength and their pillar of light. Her works will always be missed. Her deeds will never be forgotten. 

Lord please, let her rest with you. May you be with her until we meet her again soon. 

Tita Denz, we will miss you. You will be forever in our hearts. Rest easy.