THE PARADOX OF MY EXISTENCY

Maybe I am...
A sweet gentle melody that enlivens a lonely heart
A sad song
depicts unto my ears

Do you really know me?
You said thousand words of "I LOVE YOU's"
Million times of hugs
Billion times of kisses
and Trillion times of touch

With my undefined complexity
your name's a mystery
I gave you all, my life, my mind, my soul
But why? Why did you forsaken me?

You said LOVE, I received LIES
You did PASSION, I made CURSE
You make others HAPPY, I attempt to cry
You did cut your HEART, I feel the BLEED

I had lived in my own reality
A reality which like dreams fade away
I tended my own heart-at its worst
The feeling of stupidity, it meant a lot to me

All throughout of this SHIT existence
I quivered every moonlight at its burden
As I saw a glimpse of what life might have been
I condemn myself for something I haven't done

This life was never a choice
Where I could have made the difference between mind nor heart
So now tell me...Does the pain hurts?

INFATUATION?!!!

Being a Senior high school student, having an affair to an opposite sex is a pleasure to someone. Having that "kilig" factor is an advantage like girls at my age. Seeing your crush walking around the corridor or just saying a simple "hi" to him is such a blessing. The feeling of HEAVEN poured down from the skies. The essence of orhids and the pollens of sampaguitas just touched my wooden heart. His gaze, his moves and his eyes just gives me reasons to find TRUE LOVE insights...
His AUTHENTIC looks, his academic proficiency and the way he treats a woman, makes me fall in love...
No woman would not fall for him. He's a MASTERPIECE... an art displayed on a gallery that's not for sale... I would describe him as a piece of JEWELRY, a woman would ever love. A jewelry, that even a maiden coudn't resist. This fantasy of him will never loose the chase. Looking through his eyes' rushes through my veins and there's no motion in my heart. I'll never be the same 'coz he's one in a million. He's the reason why I breathe, the reason that I still believe that Love conquers all. Because he's my destiny...
Nothing can stop me from Loving him. I will follow, anywhere in anyway, I 'll never gonna let him go.
Thinkin' he'll be out of my life is a big chaos for me. My mind would turn black if I'd find out that he'll never likes me as usual. it's a big disaster, and I'll hold it badly. What will be my biggest mistake. Is there something lacking about my personality, my being or my womanhood? I never neede him for pointin' out my wrongs; I never neede him to be strong, my love for him was strong he shoud've known. I never neede him for judgment, I never neede him to question what I spent. I never needed his corrections on everything from hot I act to what I say. I 'm sorry for the way I let You go, of everything I wanted when he came along. I know next to him is not where I belong. And it's a little late for explanations. There isn't anything that I can do. This sufferings of mine hits me like a ray of sun; burning through my darkness night. Creeping me into my lonely hours.
When will this end?
When I finally realized, we were not meant to be?
When I saw him one day, he holds hand with another girl that once fits mine perfectly?
Or, when I find the right guy for me that'll make me happy but not to make me cry?
~AZILANEB02/13/10~

The STRUGGLES i encountered this past days...

Being a HIGH SCHOOL student,I almost encounter problems in school. Such as academic problems, peer problems, family problems, and the MOST common topic LOVE problems[lolz].
Teenagers like me, experience many situations in school through opposite sex. I do believe that the FIRST STAGE of having a relationship during high school is through CRUSHES.. When I was in freshman before,I never experience having crushes in school. I often look forward to other subjects like showbusiness,sports enthusiastic, setting a trend to my friends,and inventing a new style of fashion. I never intend to put my mind into a commitment at an early age. But when I became a Sophomore, I view guys at school with athletic postures, good looks, and with a pleasing personality. I never look guys beyond their looks but I realized I set standards just for displays..
But when I became JUNIOR, I rest my eyes to guys who aren't my real type. I admire boys with good looks but I disagree to like them if I knew that the boy I admire is dumb and stupid...There was a guy who is my friend since junior,and we both share text messages every night and fortunately we were seatmates. He often tells himself to me,but I was bored to listen his non-sense stuffs that makes me an idiot all the time just laughing at his corny jokes. But when an interpretative dance held in our school, we both join that contest as one of the participants in our class. We were the main cast of the dance group and luckily we need to hold our hands together because that is a part of the dance routine. I had a crush on him at first because when I hold his hand,OMG! It's so SOFT!!!and that was my first time to hold hands eith a guy!!!and a week later,I enjoy his presence and we knew that we were both mutual in our feelings..we also dance at our junior's prom and oh my god!!he became the king of the night!!!and of course i congratulated him. But time comes,he changed so badly. He's totally changed, a big difference!!!He became overconfident,proud,boastful,mean,and so talkative..and merely I dont like him anymore...
Now, I'm a SENIOR,were classmates again at the same class. I already move on with my life though I know we were not meant to be. I accepted the fact that he is not my soulmate..[though I believe in soulmates and destiny]
A few months ago, there was once this guy who is my first time classmate this year though I knew him for years since freshman. He is a punk,a skater boy, intelligent[actually he became a valedictorian when he graduated grade school]. and he's a religios person. He asked his friend if I entertain suitors and honestly I didn't figure out who is that mysterious guy..and he confronts me what is really his intentions for me..I don't react so soon but for a meantime I realized "I LIKE HIM"
he's nice....=p
ok,this is not yet the end..catch for more insights daily...

true love never dies...

True love never dies,even if you have found a new love, the sweet memory of the past will continue to hunt you for the rest of your life...

True love never dies,even if you have found a new love, the sweet memory of the past will continue to hunt you for the rest of your life...